NUDGE, NUDGE

Facebook (FB): John Browne has nudged you.

Mary: What do you mean “nudged”?

FB: Just nudged. Nudge him back.

Mary: Why?

FB: Well, it’s fun. ‘Nudge, nudge’, you know.

Mary: I don’t ….

FB: Besides it’s only polite.

Mary: Are you sure he ‘nudged’ me?

FB: Oh, absolutely.

Mary: But why would he do that?

FB: Perhaps being playful?

Mary: He’s never struck me as the playful or frivolous type.

FB: Perhaps he wants to ….. you know …..

Mary: What? Have sex with me?

FB: Well, yes. Lots of romances have bloomed between people who met on Facebook.

Mary: Probably a few kidnappings and rape too, I shouldn’t wonder.

FB: We can’t possibly be held responsible for ….

Mary: Oh, please! Spare me the official disclaimer! But do you really think John Brown might be trying to seduce me?

FB: Well, maybe … probably … yes. Why are you laughing hysterically?

Mary: He’s gay! He’s been “out” for ten years! He’s been living with a male partner for three years .. He announced just last week that they broke it off actually.

FB: Well, there you go.

Mary: What? “There you go” what?

FB: He broke up with his partner last week and this week he’s nudging you.

Mary: But he’s gay!

FB: Gay men have been known to convert …. revert … whatever.

Mary: Only in Christian evangelist imagination.

FB: Well, perhaps he’s bisexual.

Mary: He’s not.

FB: How do you know?

Mary: He’s always been quite clear about that. Besides ….

FB: What?

Mary: He didn’t nudge me.

FB: Yes he did.

Mary: No he didn’t.

FB: How can you be so sure?

Mary: He told me.

FB: When? You haven’t been messaging him.

Mary: I texted him just now on my mobile.

FB: Oh ……… He’s lying.

Mary: It could be you that’s lying.

FB: Why would I lie about that?

Mary: Well, to increase traffic on FB. I nudge him, he nudges me, we start additional conversations, other people start nudging …. etc. etc. More FB traffic, more interest from advertisers, more money for you.

FB: ……………….

Mary: Well?

FB: Patrick Smith poked you.

Mary: What! WHAT did you say?

FB: No, no! Poked …. as in …. as in … kind of like “nudged”.

Mary: Oh, for Heaven’s sake! You’re trying it on again!

FB: ………….

Mary: Well, aren’t you?

FB: Well, yes. Would you like to play one of the FB games?

Mary: You mean like pretend I did something I didn’t, lie to my FB friends and generally up traffic on FB?

FB: There’s no need for sarcasm.

Mary: Oh, just ….! Good night!

FB: No, wait a mome …

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