M: I’m awake. Unhh … what woke me? Unhhh …. too early.
Bladder: I don’t know but I need to go.
M: You’re not desperate. I want to go back to sleep.
B: No ….
M: If I get up now to let you out in the toilet, I’ll be too awake to go back to sleep.
M: I’m not listening. What?
B: Nothing. I think I need to go.
M: You don’t, not yet. Just relax and I’m off to sleep. In a couple of hours I have to get up.
M: You’re muttering.
B: I’m not muttering.
M: You are. I heard you.
B: I’m just talking to myself.
M: Talking to yourself at very low volume.
M: In other words, muttering.
B: I think I need to go.
M: You don’t. You’ve got plenty of stretch left in you.
B: Why don’t you just bring me there, I’ll release and you can go back to bed.
M: Because the act of getting up, switching on the light, walking into a colder atmosphere, urinating ….
B: Releasing me.
B: Releasing me. Instead of “urinating”
M: Are you serious?
B: It doesn’t hurt to be polite.
M: You’re really trying to wind me up, aren’t you? But it’s not going to work. Let me go back to sleep.
B: M? M?
B: Just bring me there and you can go straight back to sleep. Not one more murmur from me, honest.
M: No ….
B: But I need to go ….
M: Oh for fuck’s sake. OK, I’m getting up! There’s the toilet now. Go on. You’ve destroyed my sleep. I hope you’re satisfied!
M: Happy now?
B: No, not really, just ……